I have been sober for six months now. There is a sentence I never thought I would ever be able to say or write. Not only have I not had a drink in six months, I have been happy! *gasp*
I remember when I first accepted that I could never drink alcohol again, how insurmountable it felt and how I didn’t think there would be any point in trying because, let’s face, I would fail at it anyway, just as I have failed at being a mother, wife, daughter, at life! I had tried before, convinced that I could drink normally and the promises I made to myself and my family to not drink, or to drink responsibly were meant with every fibre in my body.
Something in me felt that there must be a better way, a way to be happier in life, to deal with the problems life throws at me without turning to the bottle (or three) every night. Like many people I tried all sorts of methods never grasped it. So I went to A.A and I cried the whole way through my first meeting, without really knowing why. Somehow I knew that I needed to give this thing a try. Knowing I was being investigated for child neglect still didn’t help me to control my drinking. To be honest I thought I could go to A.A, learn to control my drinking and hopefully find someone who could testify in court (should the investigation end up in court) that I was a changed woman and had learned the skills and discipline required to drink responsibly.
In the first few weeks, that was the reason I kept going back. Once I was given just a warning, I still kept going back without really knowing why. I then found myself a sponsor, someone who had what I wanted; a love and fire for life without drinking, something that I found strange and was but a dream for me.
It took a few months but I am now enjoying the sober life. It is not without it’s challenges, partly because my husband is an alcoholic who has chosen to not go down the A.A route, something which I am struggling to accept. But for the most part, I am happy, content, free. I have friends, real friends rather than acquaintances or drinking partners, people I know I can turn to for support.
Personally, I could not have got this far without the fellowship of A.A. And even if today is my last sober day, I will be forever grateful to Bill W and Dr Bob for the last six months.